Wednesday, August 28, 2013

sticks and stones

As kids we’d respond to teasing, taunting – BULLYING with the nursery rhyme…

“Sticks and stones may break my bones but words will never hurt me.”

Looking back at this as an adult I have to call this little comeback for what it is…BULLSH*T! Excuse my language but that’s the word that comes to mind when I think of this verbal shield we were taught to use as kids.

Yes, its true sticks and stones CAN break your bones but words, they can leave a forever impact especially when used in a negative manner.

As a kid my mother was verbally abusive. I will not go into full details of the things she’d say to me but I will say they are things you should NEVER say to a child; especially your own. I do not know why she would say the things she said to me. I do not know why she made me feel like crap as a kid the the point that I would wish I was never born. This is a hard post for me to type up because as I’m typing the things she’d say to me are rushing to the surface and reopening those old wounds. I’ve mentioned in previous posts that I have a good relationship with my mom these days; I have even used the word great but it has taken years to get to where we are in our relationship. I have spoke to my mom about the hurt she brought me as a kid and it saddens me when she’s responded with things like “Venus, it’s not like you were beaten.” She’s right, she didn’t beat me matter of fact I was probably spanked a handful of times and sadly I remember she once told me “I only hit you cause I love you.” OKAY...I have to ask what kind of message does THAT send to a kid even more so what does that say to a FEMALE child?! ANYWAY back to where what I was leading up to – yes, she never beat me but at times I wish she would have because those bruises would go away. Emotional scars never go away and any little thing can trigger the wounds to reopen.

This post wasn’t meant to bash my mom but rather to bring awareness. Awareness of how fragile kids are. Awareness of how words can cut both young and old like a sword. Awareness of how words can impact us even more so when coming from those we love. 

Mr. G once told me children are sponges and soak up everything they hear. I couldn't agree more with this! For example, if your daughter hears you cutting yourself down about something like your weight – she will mimic that. If you tell your child he or she is stupid or ugly or worthless, etc... they will soak that up and 1. think its okay to speak to others that way and 2. think that they are stupid or whatever negative thing you throw their way and in turn break their spirit. OR what is even worse they will grow up to think it is okay to be treated in such a manor and the cycle will continue in the form of an abusive relationship or on to their own children. I’m sure you’re agreeing with me on my points but at the same point wondering which of these examples apply to me as well as probably thinking “WOW.”

The crap I went through as a kid impacted me in a few different ways.

1. My self esteem sucked and went on to be treated by my exes as my mother had treated me.

2. It made me determined to not treat my children as I was treated

3. It made me strive for success – I had to prove to my mom and myself that I was going to be more than what she thought I’d be. I just wanted her to be proud of me.

4. It inspired me to share my story as a way to show others that we may get knocked down but we can get back up. We all have cracks in us but we have to find our own “glue” to keep us from crumbling into pieces.

5. It taught me forgiveness and to be thankful for all the positives in my life. I forgive my mom for the negatives in my childhood just as I forgive others in my life that have hurt or wronged me. It’s from these experiences I became the woman I am today…these experiences have brought to where I am in my life today. I love my life and thank god everyday for all the blessings I have, from my beautiful children to my amazing husband and close friends. I have moved on from my past and share it in the hopes it can help someone else move on from whatever they are going through or have went through.

I saw something online not too that said something along the lines of “If a man lost an inch of his manhood each time he cheated, maybe he’d think before he did again.” I say that we switch this analogy towards thinking before we speak. What if you lost an inch of your tongue each time you used words to hurt another person – would you still say it?

Thanks for stopping by. I hope you have an amazing day.



Wordless Wednesday

Friday, August 9, 2013

Letter of the day: I

"I" as in me.

I was born in the summer of 78 in San Jose , CA.

At around age 5 I went to live with my grandfather in Lamont, Ca along with my 2 cousins while our mom's were on "vacation".

I'll be 35 this year. When I look back at my life I am blown away. 

I want to write a book one day, not because I think I'm super fascinating but because It might just bring hope to others in similar situations that I've been in.

I type like I talk, lol so please excuse my run on sentences.

I lost my mind once but got it back after I realized it was the situation I was in that caused it, so I walked away. 

My childhood wasn't all unicorns and rainbows but it did make me who I am today.

I was a teen mom. It's hard to believe I have an 18 year old! Having my son at a young age was one of my motivations to be where I am today. 

I was a mom again at 23. My princess Beanna was a total surprise and my saving grace.

I'm a firm believer in "breaking the cycle".  My mom had me young and went from working woman to welfare recipient. As a kid I vowed to NEVER get on welfare. I hated paying for candy with food stamps. I hated having to go with her to the welfare office to see her case worker. I hated being looked at as "poor".
I can proudly say that I have never gotten a dime from government assistance even though I had a kid at 16 and have been almost penniless at times. To get through times I simply worked more. I apologize if anyone is offended but will say if this, maybe you should step back and ask yourself why you find this offensive. I agree with the system being designed as a "help out and not a hand out" but not with making receiving "aid" your career. #jusasayin

I have been working since I was 16 years old, well actually 15 if you count JTPA.

I've broken quite a few cycles in my life.

I started from the bottom and I'm here. LOL!! But really it's true. I come from humble beginnings and have achieved more than what was expected of me. I am truly blessed.

I have an AMAZING husband. Mr. G is my happily ever after. I love the life we have built together. 

I love to read. Reading was my respite as a kid and has grown into a passion through the years. It was actually reading that gave me the strength to leave the nightmare I was in a few years ago. Where do I go? by Neta Jackson and the rest of the books in Yada Yada house of hope series saved my life. 

I love my job even though it can stress me out. I have a hand in changing lives which is truly rewarding. 

I was a foster kid from age 15-18. It was the best thing to happen to me. 

I was the first to graduate from high school in my mom's immediate family.

My mom and I have an awesome relationship. Something I never thought possible.

I don't really have regrets but I do have things I wish I would've done differently.

I am a domestic abuse survivor, both emotional and physical, although the emotional was far worse. 

I love me. 

I love my strength.

I love a good slice of chocolate cake and milk.

I cried when my mom told me she was proud of me. That was something I had waited 30 years to hear. 

I love Mr. G more than I ever thought I could love anyone (besides my kiddos). 

I believe in Karma.

I thank god daily for all the blessings I have in this life rather than only call on him when I need something.

I love a good steak and lobster meal. #nomnom

I was an only child til I was 9. When I did finally get a sister I was excited for like a week then ready to send her back. LOL
Oh yea...6 more siblings followed. Guess mom made up for lost time ;)

I lived in Bakersfield, Ca and the surrounding areas for 21 years before moving to the Bay Area.

On my wedding day last year I told Mr G that where he goes I will follow. I've been living in NC since December and wouldn't trade it for the world.

I love this Marilyn Monroe quote because it's relatable.

“I'm selfish, impatient and a little insecure. I make mistakes, I am out of control and at times hard to handle. But if you can't handle me at my worst, then you sure as hell don't deserve me at my best.”

I have some pretty awesome friends that make up my extended family.

I grew up with my 2 cousins which made them more like sisters.

I am not perfect and will always be a work in progress.

I appreciate that my husband calls me on my sh*t rather than sweeping stuff under the rug and allowing it to build up. Our marriage is an awesome combination of trust, honesty, communication and mutual admiration.

I could go on and on with random stuff about me but I think this is enough for now.
- xo